I’ve been getting some questions lately about what’s going on in my personal life. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see that I post a good mix of motivation, inspiration, and funny with a dash of inappropriate. I’ll admit, lately I’ve been posting some ominous pictures about making the right decisions and taking a leap of faith. Today I posted one that was the cover of a children’s book with a train on it that says, “The Little Engine That Said Fuck It”. I am that little engine. Today I said, “Fuck it!” Today I quit my job.
That’s not as dramatic as it sounds, because I’ve given my 2 week notice, but I’m calling it quits a few days early.
Let me backtrack a little…about 5 months ago, a friend of mine reached out to me and offered me a job working with her. I’ve known her since elementary school. We didn’t really keep in touch over the years, but we connected on Facebook and once I moved to Nevada, we got back in touch since she lives here, too. At first, it seemed like it was the perfect job. It was a little out of my comfort zone, but it sure beat sitting at a desk and answering phones all day. At least I thought it did.
3 months into the job, I started to realize it was not the right fit for me. I was working with my strengths and trying to make the most of it, but I realized it was a very analytical job full of numbers, spreadsheets, and data. Definitely not the right job for someone who’s creative and writes romance novels. I needed to get out. Not just for me, but for the good of the company, too. I knew I wasn’t the person for the job, so not only was it unfair to me to keep trudging along, it was unfair to the company. No business wants the wrong person in any position.
I wanted to be honest with this friend and let her know I wasn’t happy, when suddenly everything got turned upside down. She was let go from the company. I won’t get into why. Not just because she wouldn’t tell me specifics, but simply because this is not to bash her in any way. Something happened that shouldn’t have happened and she lost her job because of it. I felt bad for her, but then I started to feel really bad for me! With her no longer there as my manager, it became clear how much there was to the position that I didn’t know. I spent 2 days with a different manager and he really showed me what it was all about. By the end of that 2nd day, I knew without a doubt, I had to get out!
I had 2 interviews with one company under my belt. That Friday when I got home after the 2nd day of training, they called me for a 3rd interview. I didn’t take this 3rd interview request as a done deal, but it was a good start. I also had a plan B. So, I took a leap of faith and put in my 2 week notice. But, once I gave my notice I couldn’t shake the nerves. Even when my duties went from basic administrative tasks to pretty much mailing it in because I was doing next to nothing, I was still sick to my stomach. I told my husband it was time to quit. He countered that I only had 2 days left, so why not coast along and at least get paid for the full week. When I told him the healthiest thing for me was to completely disconnect, he said he understood. But it felt like he didn’t. I know how his brain works. He’s always in manager-mode and he’s very analytical.
Some of you might not even understand. I mean, what’s 2 days? Isn’t that simple? Not to me. To me it’s come at the cost of the worst, crippling anxiety I’ve ever experienced. It’s cost me sleepless nights, bad dreams, physical pain, etc. I haven’t even had the creativity to write because it’s sucked the motivation out of me. That’s a huge price that’s worth more to me than a couple hundred dollars. And I’ve reached a point in my life where I need to do what’s best for me. I can’t say I have to do it for him, or for my family, because I have to put myself first in order to be the best I can be for them.
What I’ve learned from this is that no job should ever make you feel this way. The only time a situation is allowed to panic you on that level, is when it means everything to you. My writing panics me and even though I hate feeling that way, I’m ok with it, simply because I know how much it means to me. But a job that’s just a job? No way.
The funny thing is, halfway through my morning of drafting my resignation email and finally being able to take deep breaths, one of the managers called me and told me he was getting my computer and phone from me because he needed it to start training the new person. The timing was perfect and I told him that’s fine, I’m leaving today anyway. It was done. I could really breathe.
You might be wondering what came of the 3rd interview. The next day they called and offered me the job. It’s a position that suits me so much better! You also might be wondering what was Plan B? It was anything. I was prepared to flip burgers, or work retail since the holiday are right around the corner.
It’s amazing how much this job sucked my energy and drive to write. Even when I gave my notice, I still couldn’t find the motivation. But, guess what? You’re reading this…so that means it’s back.
Thanks for stopping by!